Written by: The CinCitizens
A friend of mine recently got engaged. He attempted (and ultimately pulled off, but that’s another story) to plan an entire wedding in under four months. This necessarily led to stress, and frustration, and doubt. However, whenever he showed up with a sad face and a story of another late night filled with wedding stress, I always calmed him down with words of appeasement. You see, I knew that he had found a great woman; a woman that no matter how difficult the next few months would prove to be, he just HAD to marry at all costs. How did I know? Here’s how:
Their wedding registry included Guitar Hero.
Since he was my friend, it was my job to pick up the wedding present, and when I saw that, for the same price as some candlesticks (or bowls, or napkin holders, or whatever the hell else finds their way onto those lists), I could buy them a special Guitar Hero controller, I was all over it. (Even better than that, my wife then wrapped the thing in that beautiful expert way that only women know how to do. It was hilarious.)
Frankly, Guitar Hero is a game that is as fun to play as it is ridiculous to watch. There is just nothing at all TO it! You’re just pressing buttons to a beat. The graphics are little more than colored balls coming toward you. And no matter how hard you pretend, you always know that you’re not REALLY playing guitar. In fact, when you get right down to it, there’s only one really redeeming characteristic to it: it’s fucking awesome.
In the same way that a good karaoke host can make you feel like people are cheering and singing along even while everyone below you is bored and/or laughing at you, Guitar Hero, for however long you stand there in front of your TV screen, makes you feel like a music God.
The first time I played this game, I did the training for thirty seconds, was deemed worthy by the game’s owner, and soon enough I was thrashing to Guns N Roses. And it worked! Before the night was over, I took the lead while my friend handled rhythm, and we both brought the computer-generated house down. I have been hooked ever since (despite the fact that I don’t have one of my own), and when the rumor surfaced the next sequel will be called Rock Band and include drums and vocals to the mix, I knew that my willpower was destined to crumble to dust.
Any woman who recognized the power of Guitar Hero was one to be married instantly, before another man swooped in and corrected the mistake made by the first guy. My friend made the right call, married her, and now spends his evenings in Rock and Roll bliss.