Written by: JackHork, Special to CC2K
In honor of Sex Week, CC2K contributor Jack Hork names his picks for the hottest cartoon/comic/animation babes who made the jump into the live-action world.
If there’s one thing I know about, it’s romance…long walks, holding hands, scented candles, warm baths, foreplay, all that phony-baloney shite. However, merging pop culture with sex just didn’t seem like an easy task. And then it dawned on me…ALL sex these days is pop-culture based. There isn’t any romance any more. Sure, that was good enough for your parents, but not good enough for us. This is the twenty-first century! It is a time of booty calls and friends with benefits. It is a time of internet porn and oral on a first date. We are inundated with top heavy manga vixens, craigslist hook-ups, celebrity sex tapes, etc., ad infinitum. Romance be damned: CC2k’ers (as well as the rest of America) just want to get their collective rocks off. The problem was how to narrow the field down sufficiently to get a usable article that didn’t take up thirty pages. And, the answer was actually pretty simple: pick a single field, define some rules, and create a list. So, I present to you my list of sexy babes.
Yes, yes, I know, this has been done to death on the internet by every fanboy out there. That’s why I created a rule set:
1) Female characters ONLY (sorry ladies, make your own list).
2) Character must be HUMAN (sorry bestiality freaks, make your own list).
3) No anime (not that I don’t like the ridiculously proportioned Jap-animation babes, I just didn’t want to wade through the five trillion sites).
And finally, 4) must be LIVE-ACTION movie based on an original cartoon/comic/animation.
So, keeping all that in mind, in no particular order, here we go…
Trixie (as played by Christina Ricci) from Speed Racer.
Speed Racer did not have a lot of things going for it when it was released in 2008, but Ricci's Trixie almost made it worthwhile–almost. The highly ambitious film was painfully stylized by the Wachowski’s who had the misguided hopes that anyone would want to see a movie about a race car driver. Did no one learn from Days of Thunder?
The Black Widow (as played by Scarlett Johansson) in Iron Man 2.
This is entirely a prediction on my part because the movie has not been released yet, but since a certain ‘part’ of me really really likes Scarlett Johansson, I feel obliged to list her. The first Iron Man made a gazillion dollars so it’s no wonder that the movie spawned a sequel, and because of that huge box office bonanza, the producers were able to pay anyone just about anything they wanted to get them on board (well, except Terence Howard that is).
Mary Jane Watson (as played by Kirsten Dunst) in Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2, and Spider-Man 3.
Spider-Man was my favorite comic book when I was growing up. Here was a very smart guy who, through no fault of his own, attained bad-ass super powers. This alienates him even more than his giant intellect. On the plus side, hot chicks want to do him. The first movie’s ‘kiss in the rain’ is now a classic geek fantasy, second only to ‘Princess Leia as slave girl’.
Catwoman (as played by Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry) in Batman Returns and Catwoman.
I mean really, how am I supposed to pick? One is an amazing actress in a skin tight leather outfit who exudes sexuality; the other is an amazing actress in a skin tight leather outfit who exudes sexuality. Both have whips, both purr, both are naughty but not too naughty. Either one could kick my ass. What’s not to like?
Mina Harker (as played by Peta Wilson) in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Although technically not a human (she’s a vampire), and therefore in violation of my rule set above, I allow an exemption for Ms. Harker because she is so very lovely. She’s also the only female in the League so she has to hold her own against such testosterone heavy weights as Allan Quartermain, Captain Nemo and Mr. Hyde. And she does it with grace, beauty and an underlying current of danger.
Dale Arden (as played by Melody Anderson) in Flash Gordon.
Flash Gordon, for those of you too young to remember, was a high-camp, high-energy romp with a complete score by Queen. The worst thing about it was the terrible performance by Sam J. Jones as Flash. On the other hand, Brian Blessed, Timothy Dalton, Ornella Muti, Max von Sydow, Topol and even Deep Roy show up and save the day. Add to that, a totally sexy Dale Arden and this was highly enjoyable…oh yes I saw this at the theater in 1980, I was sixteen years old and have had a crush on Melody Anderson ever since.
Betty Ross (as played by Jennifer Connelly) in The Hulk.
Um, it’s Jennifer Connelly. Granted she doesn’t get naked in this movie, which is a real shame because Ang Lee totally screwed the pooch when it came to making this fiasco, but even clothed she’s so pleasant to look at that I could overlook the hideousness of the plot…well, almost.
Betty Rubble (as played by Jane Krakowski) in The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas.
One of the most popular fan-boy cartoon hotties is Betty Rubble, and Jane Krakowski does not disappoint. In fact, for silly little movies, this one is quite good. She’s sexy, she has the giggle, and she makes that simple blue dress very appealing. Compare her to Betty in the original film and you can see why she’s vastly superior (it was Rosie O’Donnell).
Evey Hammond (as played by Natalie Portman) in V for Vendetta.
Okay, I admit it: I did not see this movie, but I don’t care because Natalie Portman is amazingly beautiful. You saw it in The Professional, you saw it in Star Wars; she’s got the look even when she’s bald, and THAT’S pretty dang impressive.
Elektra (as played by Jennifer Garner) in Daredevil and Elektra.
I don’t know what it is about Jennifer Garner. Her eyes are too small, her mouth is too big, her cheek bones are too high, and it doesn’t matter because put it all together and they make for a strikingly attractive woman. Add to that her amazing muscle tone and general ass-kickery from Alias to Elektra and that’s a list worthy young lady.
Supergirl (as played by Helen Slater) in Supergirl.
Yes, I know, also not technically human, but it doesn’t matter. Helen Slater got the unenviable task of donning the red cape in the wake of Christopher Reeve’s blockbuster performance in the Superman movies. The story for Supergirl wasn’t just bad, it was hideous, but Slater did all she good to look good and beat bad guys (or girls, as the case may be).
Velma (as played by Linda Cardellini) from Scooby-Doo and Scooby-Doo 2.
Sure, Sarah Michelle Geller got all the press for playing Daphne opposite her husband, Freddie Prinze, as Fred, but Linda Cardellini stole the show as the frumpy bespectacled Velma. In Scooby-Doo 2 there’s a scene where she gets a makeover and puts on a red leather outfit (see pic). Cartoon Velma never did that! Hubba-hubba to brainy girls!
And finally, my number one live action based on an original cartoon/comic/animation is:
Mystique (played by Rebecca Romjin) from X-Men, X-Men 2 and X-Men 3.
Not only is she beautiful, not only is she deadly, not only is she a super sexy mutant, she can be ANYONE at any time. Think of the possibilities, just THINK of them…uh, I gotta go.