Written by: Sal Crivelli, Special to CC2K
CC2K's Sal Crivelli takes a look back at the history of the Marvel Universe and examines when and where would have been the best opportunities to get it on, comic book-style.
“Days of Future Past”
1981, The Uncanny X-Men, #141
A possible post-apocalyptic future in which most of the X-Men (and hero community) are dead or captured by Sentinels.
Reason it's sweet: You can try all the weird stuff you normally wouldn't do on the off chance Bishop changes the timestream so it didn't happen.
Secret Wars, #1-12
A seemingly omnipotent being with Jeri Curls captures a select group of heroes and villains and pits them against each other on a distant planet called Battleworld.
Reason it's sweet: Trapped on a tiny planet with nothing to do between battles with Doctor Doom and the Molecule Man? Not a bad opportunity to wrangle a foursome with an X-Man, an Avenger, and 25% of the original Fantastic Four.
Heroes Reborn: The Return, #1-4, various others
Low-selling superheroes seemingly sacrifice themselves to save the world, only to awaken in a pseudo-relaunch series drawn by two Image Comics Founders.
Reason it's sweet: Everyone's drawn by either Jim Lee or Rob Liefeld, which means everyone gets HUGE!
Avenger Scarlet Witch forces regime change in Avengers roster, resulting in a far better-selling re-launch series starring Spider-Man and Wolverine (go figure).
Reason it's sweet: Seemed like everyone was getting screwed in that event. Why not you?
“House of M”
House of M, #1-8
New Avengers and X-Men team up to stop Scarlet Witch, who remakes the world where everybody's happy.
Why it's sweet: World goes white and you could wake up next to Emma Frost? Not too shabby.
Civil War, #1-7
Mandatory Registration outs Spider-Man and douch-i-fies Iron Man, ultimately culminating in Captain America's death.
Why it's sweet: Two words—fugitive sex!
Secret Invasion, #1-8
It's kind of like Battlestar Gallactica meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Cylon body-snatchers are shape-shifting aliens called "Skrulls."
Why it's sweet: Skrull sex has all the benefits of Mystique sex, but with a smaller chance you'll be killed immediately after.
Spider-Man: One More Day
Amazing Spider-Man, #544
Spider-Man makes deal with the devil to save aunt, nullify marriage, alienate readers, and replace them with new ones.
Why it's sweet: One last chance to have sex with your beautiful, supportive, supermodel wife, asshole!