CC2K

The Nexus of Pop-Culture Fandom

Comic Book Booty: Top 8 Opportunites for Sex in the Marvel Universe

Written by: Sal Crivelli, Special to CC2K


ImageCC2K's Sal Crivelli takes a look back at the history of the Marvel Universe and examines when and where would have been the best opportunities to get it on, comic book-style.

“Days of Future Past”

1981, The Uncanny X-Men, #141

A possible post-apocalyptic future in which most of the X-Men (and hero community) are dead or captured by Sentinels.

Reason it's sweet: You can try all the weird stuff you normally wouldn't do on the off chance Bishop changes the timestream so it didn't happen.

 

“Secret Wars”

1984-1985

Secret Wars, #1-12

A seemingly omnipotent being with Jeri Curls captures a select group of heroes and villains and pits them against each other on a distant planet called Battleworld.

Reason it's sweet: Trapped on a tiny planet with nothing to do between battles with Doctor Doom and the Molecule Man? Not a bad opportunity to wrangle a foursome with an X-Man, an Avenger, and 25% of the original Fantastic Four.

 

“Heroes Reborn”

1997

Heroes Reborn: The Return, #1-4, various others

Low-selling superheroes seemingly sacrifice themselves to save the world, only to awaken in a pseudo-relaunch series drawn by two Image Comics Founders.

Reason it's sweet: Everyone's drawn by either Jim Lee or Rob Liefeld, which means everyone gets HUGE!

 

“Avengers: Disassembled”

2004

Avengers, #500-503

Avenger Scarlet Witch forces regime change in Avengers roster, resulting in a far better-selling re-launch series starring Spider-Man and Wolverine (go figure).

Reason it's sweet: Seemed like everyone was getting screwed in that event. Why not you?

 

Image“House of M”

2005

House of M, #1-8

New Avengers and X-Men team up to stop Scarlet Witch, who remakes the world where everybody's happy.

Why it's sweet: World goes white and you could wake up next to Emma Frost? Not too shabby.

 

“Civil War”

2006-2007

Civil War, #1-7

Mandatory Registration outs Spider-Man and douch-i-fies Iron Man, ultimately culminating in Captain America's death.

Why it's sweet: Two words—fugitive sex!

 

“Secret Invasion”

2008

Secret Invasion, #1-8

It's kind of like Battlestar Gallactica meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Cylon body-snatchers are shape-shifting aliens called "Skrulls."

Why it's sweet: Skrull sex has all the benefits of Mystique sex, but with a smaller chance you'll be killed immediately after.

 

Spider-Man: One More Day

2007-2008

Amazing Spider-Man, #544

Spider-Man makes deal with the devil to save aunt, nullify marriage, alienate readers, and replace them with new ones.

Why it's sweet: One last chance to have sex with your beautiful, supportive, supermodel wife, asshole!

Author: Sal Crivelli, Special to CC2K

Share this content:

Leave a Reply