Written by: Russell Davidson, CC2K Sports Editor
Was it P.T. Barnum who once said “No one ever went broke underestimating what people will get off on?” I think it was. Point being, there’s some really freaky shit out there, some seriously odd things that people use/need to satisfy their sexual urges and cravings. And I mean weird, not foot-fetish weird, not transvestitism, voyeurism, S & M, water-sport, or pony-play weird. I mean REALLY weird, like stuff that you or I have not even thought of.
One obvious upside of the Internet is it’s joining of like-minded individuals. Of course, the downside is the pseudo-legitimacy it gives to things that shouldn’t be legitimate, criminal things like pedophilia, bestiality, and other such nastiness. These aside, there are other sub-cultures of sex and porn that are amusing in their innocence, alluring in their distastefulness, alarming in their boldness. Like it or not, pornography is as entrenched in our pop culture as anything else, and less well-known interests are also being showcased more and more often in the mainstream media.
Surely the Web deserves a lot of the credit for this, but it also helps that Americans are loosening up about such things—to our benefit, I’d say. But man, these aren’t your parents’ paraphilias (defined by Wiki as “a powerful and persistent sexual interest other than in copulatory or precopulatory behavior with consenting human partners”)! Check this stuff out:
AGALMATOPHILIA: This is for those who are attracted to statues, mannequins, things that don’t move—inanimate objects, you get me? Not TOO outlandish; I just don’t see the fun in it. I mean, this takes “wooden” in the sack to a whole new extreme.
PLUSHOPHILIA (Furries): A more cozy, wholesome fetish/philia, this one is for those of us who can only bust it by dressing up as stuffed animals. Life-size. Or, failing that, the ole’ teddy bear is more than willing, usually (also called URSUSAGALMATOPHILIA). Sounds like a big dry-cleaning bill to me.
SYMPHOROPHILIA: For them people who get their jollies either witnessing or staging disasters, such as car accidents. The appeal must be in the twisted wreckage, the bent chrome, the busted glass, the broken humans within. Not for me. Probably shouldn’t be for anyone.
SANTAPHILIA: I made the term up, but it’s out there. There’s just something about that costume….
FORMICOPHILIA: A classic, sexual joy and satisfaction by being crawled on by insects. Sick, yes, but nearly so sick as it’s sister genre, CRUSH FREAKS. These oddites like to watch pretty women in high heals step on live bugs, squishing them. Presumably the high point is when the guts come out. Gotta shake your head about this one. And I don’t even like bugs.
And it goes on and on. ACROTOMOPHILIA: love of amputations/amputees. CHREMASTISTOPHILIA: love of being robbed or held up. NASOPHILIA: getting off on noses/people sneezing. SNICKERING: joy from watching women do various things to/with candy bars. SOMNOPHILIA: making it with sleeping or unconscious people.
I could go forever. But I’ll leave that up to you.
Me? I’m just a T & A man, heavy on the T. But something tells me I’m missing out…