Written by: Beth Woodward, CC2K Books Editor
So you want to get laid. Here’s a frustrating truth about the world of male/female sexual interactions: many females want to be “wooed,” so to speak, and many—dare I say most?—males have absolutely no clue how to do it. Sure, you can say “I love you,” but what if your feelings are more, “I kind of like you, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that kind of commitment yet?” Or how about, “I’m really into you, but you live in Seattle and I live in Miami, and I just don’t think this can go anywhere after vacation is over?” Or the best one: “You’re cute and all, but I’m really only looking for a one-night stand? ”
Yeah. Not much will kill a mood faster than that.
Luckily for you, Hollywood has already done the work for you. For the past 100 years, Hollywood has been making movies perfect for creating just the right mood. No matter what your relationship, no matter what your situation, Hollywood has been there and done that. So grab your girl, some popcorn, and a warm blanket. Then sit back, relax, and let Hollywood do the wooing for you.
If she is your wife/long-time girlfriend with whom you see a very long future, you should watch…The Notebook
The plot: An elderly man tells his Alzheimer’s afflicted wife the story of their 1940s courtship, hoping she’ll remember him and their life together. Bring the tissues—at least for her—because it’s a tearjerker and a half.
When to make your move: There’s so many…but in my opinion, you can’t go wrong with the moment where Noah and Allie start kissing in the rain.
Bonus: If you mention Ryan Gosling’s recent stint as a feminist icon, she’ll know you’re romantic, and well informed on gender issues.
Caution: Do not use if you do not want this to be a serious, long-term relationship. Because that’s just cruel.
If she is a vacation fling, then you should watch… Dirty Dancing
The plot: A middle-class Jewish girl falls in love with the dance instructor at a resort in the Catskills while on summer vacation. There’s dancing, and there’s Patrick Swayze…what more could a girl ask for?
When to make your move: After their triumphant dance routine, Baby goes to Johnny’s cabin and…well, I think this scene pretty much speaks for itself.
Bonus: If it’s a first love kind of thing. Dirty Dancing is perfect for first love. And if it’s not…well, those of us who have a few romances under our belt know Baby and Johnny probably didn’t end up together in the end. But that doesn’t mean we stop hoping. (And that scene above still makes many women’s hearts go pitter-patter, even 25 years after the movie was released.)
If she’s your new girl, but you think you’ve got something really magical and fairy tale special, then you should watch…The Princess Bride
The plot: Former farm boy Westley and reluctant princess Buttercup battle pirates, thieves, rodents of unusual sizes, and even death itself for their happily ever after.
When to make your move: It’s pretty early in the movie, but I’m partial to the moment when Buttercup realizes “Dread Pirate Roberts” is really Westley.
Bonus: This is one of the most ridiculously quotable movies of all time. (Oh, how many conversations I’ve began with, “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”) Any and/or all of these quotes will send anyone who has seen the film instantly back into Princess Bride mode. But if you say, “As you wish”—especially if she’s making some kind of sexual request—she’ll be putty in your hands.
If she’s a one-night stand—but a really special one, then you should watch…Before Sunrise
The plot: Two twenty-somethings (Ethan Hawke, Julie Delpy) spend one magical night together in Vienna.
When to make your move: The hopeful-yet-ambiguous ending scene, which leaves the fate of the two lovers up in the air.
Bonus: If you do decide to pursue this one-night stand for something more than one night, the sequel, Before Sunset, reunites the lovers nine years later. (And it’s arguably a better movie!)
Caution: DO NOT USE FOR BOOTY CALLS! If this one-night stand is, indeed, just a one-night stand, these movies can totally backfire.
If she’s a friend, but you want something more, then you should watch…When Harry Met Sally
The plot: New York yuppies Harry and Sally spend twelve years finding out whether men and women can be friends…and then something more.
When to make your move: Everyone remembers Meg Ryan’s over-the-top fake orgasm, but that scene has become a cultural cliché. No, for my money, if you’re trying to convince your girl friend to be your girlfriend, you can’t go wrong with Harry’s New Year’s Eve epiphany.
Bonus: Is the depiction of cross-gender communication in When Harry Met Sally accurate? Furthermore, can men and women really ever be friends…or not? Discuss.