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Gamer Grub: A Night of Terror

Written by: Adam “ManKorn” Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor


Sergeant William Extreme, a decorated veteran, was killed in action late last night. His platoon had engaged the enemy in a high-rise office building, fighting floor-to-floor in some of the most intense combat yet seen. Walls exploded all around, but “Old Bill” never faltered. Even as the building crumbled around him, collapsing to the city street below, SGT Extreme held his ground. A member of his squad spoke to the press about the incident, stating:

“He just stood there, staring at the wall. I thought he was drunk.”

Private First Class N00bz’N’Boobz recalls the sergeant’s final words, uttered mere moments before the epic firefight that took down the building: “AFK.”

Sergeant Extreme is remembered by his…oh, no, wait. He just respawned. Get back in the fight, soldier.

Like most reasonable gamers out there, I spent the weekend in uniform, defending my country. Unlike most gamers, I did this because I’m in the National Guard and that paperwork wasn’t going to shuffle itself.

Your tax dollars at work, America

But before that, I was fighting the good fight with a few dozen people in EA’s Battlefield 4. Some purest may scoff at the idea of playing the game on anything but a PC, and I agree, but I’m not made of money so I had to play on an XBox 360. Do I feel a little dirty because of it? Yes, but my patience will be rewarded once the next-gen arrives in a week.

Massive multiplayer in the FPS realm made a huge upswing in the last 10 years. I recall a bitter time when the only way to digitally kill your friends was with a LAN party or one-on-one Duke Nukem match. Nowadays, developers are throwing out a new murder-simulator every weekend. Still, the clear frontrunners for modern shooter are Battlefield and Call of Duty. Sorry, Medal of Honor.

If you were married to this, you’d choose to go on suicide missions too

One of the more difficult aspects of gaming in the modern age, at least for me, has been knowing when it is safe to have a munch. While driving around Los Santos earlier this week, I paused to have a quick snack IRL (In Real Life for those of you who don’t speak Internet). When I got back, I was surprised to find that someone had snuck up to my car and planted C4 all around me. As you can imagine, this was not a friendly gesture.

Noshing during shooters is even harder, and has led to some pretty innovative techniques on my part. So with the next-generation around the corner, I thought it appropriate to remember one of my darkest memories: Gamer Grub.

Author: Adam “ManKorn” Korenman, CC2K Video Games Editor

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