April Fools Week: Do Nottie Watch Hottie

Written by: Sherryn Daniel, Special to CC2K

No wonder this movie was a Razzie contender; I wish I can rewind and erase the time I watched it. If only I can turn back time. The Hottie and the Nottie was a box office disaster filled with “huh” actors, strung in a lopsided storyline and starring the most insipid, empty, stain on planet earth— Paris Hilton, of course.

The story is about Nate Cooper (abysmally played by Joel David Moore), a man who is smitten with tarty Cristabel Abbott (Paris Hilton, complete with porn star name), but in reality, can’t snuggle up to his dream girl because she doesn’t want to leave her friend June Phigg ( Christine Lakin) alone. Cristable and June are inseparable, so Nate devises a plan to win over his chosen skank by paying men from all backgrounds to date the ugly friend. Much to June’s dismay the men never stick around since she’s an uggo. Of course, in a turn of events you will NEVER see coming, Nate…SPOIILER ALERT…falls for the homely June (sorry… “Nottie”) and in his bleary eyes she becomes the “hottie” he’s been pining for (do NOT ask me how)

This 2008 horror (actually billed as a “romantic comedy”) flick was written by Heidi Ferrer and Nila Neukum. Knowing how the plot lines run amok and how Paris said the same monotone phrases repetitively, there must have been grammatical errors, crayon markings and red finger paint all over the scripts. Given what they’ve done here, I can only imagine the next movie they write will be called F*ckarella. It will be a modern re-telling of the classic fable, starring Kim Kardashian as our down-and-out heroine, and Ron Jeremy as her Prince Charming. I know that sounds awful, but it couldn’t be worse than this mess.

The Hottie and the Nottie will speak well to a teen demographic who has smoked farms full of pot and has the attention span of a flea. Also, if you think that the nottie looks like tomboy Al Lambert from Step by Step, you are not mistaken, it’s her. Wasn’t she a nottie in that show too, as that dirt faced, overall stricken teen? Ohh Al, how did you let your agent talk you into this casting corner?

Crass is not the only word that comes to people’s minds after viewing this trite film. If you like to see body parts, lewd scenes, and un-guffaw moments, please, waste your money at Blockbuster or Red box. Otherwise, might I humbly suggest any other film in existence.