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Attack of the British Women: Oscar LOVES the Limeys

Written by: Rob Van Winkle, CC2K Staff Writer



It is a great time to be a woman.  Actually it’s a great time to be a British woman.  Just look at the 2007 Academy Awards nominees.  We got Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, Kate Winslet, and Cate Blanchett all nominated this year.  Ok, ok, you got me… so officially Blanchett isn’t really all that British.  In fact, she’s Australian, but I’m clumping her into the group for the sake of argument.  Just like I almost included Nicole Kidman to the list, but after I remembered how that Keith Urban lovin’ Aussie bored me to tears in Birth, The Interpreter, Fur, and… well the list could go on.  Need I bring up Bewitched?  Plus, she’s not even nominated this year, so she’s NOT on the list of fan-fucking-tastic Brits/Aussies.  On a side note to the former Mrs. Cruise: puh-lease go back to making movies like To Die For and Moulin Rouge.  It's for the sake of your career.  

The point is it’s a pretty good year to have a vagina and speak with an accent.  The Lady Brits are coming in full throttle.  Dame Judi tackles her closeted-lesbian schoolmarm role in Notes on a Scandal with the precision of a Hannibal Lecter opening a can of fava beans with a nice Chianti.  Her oh-so subtle tickle seduction of Blanchett is particularly disturbing and uncomfortable to watch.  Imagine your grandmother hitting on err… anyone really.  When Dench wants to get laid, she wants to get laid.  Sure, she did make Chronicles of Riddick, but no one is perfect.  (I once shaved part of my eyebrow in the 80’s to look like Vanilla Ice.  We. All. Make. Mistakes. Okay.) Anyway, she won an Oscar for Shakespeare in Love with less than 20 lines.  The woman is a genius.


…Plus This…

  Dame Helen Mirren is equally talented in The Queen.  She is definitely the Lady Brit with the biggest balls.  Not only does she bring a humanity to the icy Elizabeth II (not easy to do I imagine) she also does the nasty with Cuba Gooding, Jr. in Shadowboxer right before **SPOILER ALERT*** he blows her brains out during climax.  Not a movie for everyone, but at least you get to see Stephen Dorff’s penis.  The thing is she’s doing this all at 62!!  Are any of our American counterparts doing this? I think not.

The list is rounded out with the never disappointing Kate Winslet (her 4th nomination by the way) and Cate Blanchett (who already has one of the little gold men).  And what does America have….. Abigail Breslin.  Now, don’t get me wrong, she’s as cute a freakin’ button in Little Miss Sunshine, and dances her sweet little heart out to Rick James, but nominated, really?!?  Plus, she’s only 11 years old. The only person more upset by this news is Dakota Fanning.


…Equals This?

 So that leaves us Americans with good ol’ Prada wearing Meryl Streep.  And what’s there to say about Streep that hasn’t already been said?  Unfortunately, in this round of battle for the gold Streep is up against two, count ‘em two, title holding Dames.  Not to mention the hard to understand Penelope Cruz.  Being the only American actress nominated, I’m guessing that Streep is feeling a bit like a fish out of water for the first time in her life.   

Like I said, it’s a really good year to be a British/Aussie woman who all gave hypnotizing performances.  Plus, they use that cute slang like “wanker” and “bugger off.”  It just doesn’t get any better.  I just loooooove these ladies!