“Sound the trumpets, strumpets.”

Written by: Patrick Kelly, CC2K TV Editor

This is where you will come to learn. To learn about things that you don’t understand, can’t understand or just plain don’t want to understand. This is the place where you will come to learn about the most important, most complicated thing in the world: TELEVISION. How will you learn about this medium, this medium that rejects superficiality and promotes unfettered artistic influence?  I will teach you. How will you come to understand the inunderstandable? By me using words like inunderstandable, that’s how. Am I promising to unlock the secret of television? Yes. Am I promising that after reading this weekly column you will comprehend fully how Two and Half Men survives year after year and Studio 60 is buried before it has a chance to breath? Yes, I am. I will teach you what the fuck “Sound the trumpets, strumpets” means.

I am also extremely overconfident. And a liar.

However, I can assure you, truthfully, that I will fawn over LOST and deplore anything that resembles The Hills. I will also, most likely, cover the following:

•    How television is affecting us, all of us, whether we watch it or not.

•    Anything that appears on television. This includes television shows (30 Rock), made-for-TV movies (like Jessica Got Raped and Why That is Bad/Disheartening—I think it was on Oxygen), shows that talk about television shows (The Soup), debates (probably not), cartoons (Frisky Dingo), commercials, TV opinions that are both fair and balanced and other things.

•    Something that does not relate to television, but I find a way to make it seem like it relates to television so I can write about it (women, how is awesome CERN is, exc.).

•    Shows that are surprisingly impressive (so far: Fringe).

•    Shows that are unsurprisingly shitty (so far: Worst Week).

•    Shows that are unexpectedly entertaining (that show where the sole objective is to make the shape of a hole in a wall).

•    Songs that should be on TV show soundtracks.

•    Past TV shows that were underrated, underutilized and underappreciated.

Of course, this starts next week. This entry is not a warning, nor a boast. I am just telling you what to expect if you return to this section.

I hope you enjoy and return.

Love.

Patrick