April Fools Week: Succumbing to the Cult of the Snuggie
Written by: Phoebe Raven, CC2K Staff Writer
The only information I had of my assignment was Rob van Winkle’s description of it as “strange,“ and that it was found via a YouTube link. He asked me to log my thoughts upon viewing this commercial, and view it repeatedly. So I did.
In case you haven't seen this masterpiece, or want a refresher before reading my descent in Snuggie-fueled madness, take a peek below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xZp-GLMMJ0
1st viewing
The video description reads: “A blanket with sleeves. My life is changed forever.” I now finally know what I am watching (a commercial) and roughly for which product it is. I click “play”.
….
Thoughts during the viewing:
Why are the first few frames tinged in blue? Up to the part where the lady with the typical housewife hair puts on that Snuggie thing, the picture is colored a light blue, almost white. Is that supposed to symbolize cold? I think of Goddard’s Le Mepris and his color filters. At least he had a good reason for them.
As I watch various people putting on the Snuggie, which is a blanket with sleeves made from fleece, I wonder why they don’t just put on a bathrobe. It would have the same effect, without being so long you trip over it when you go into the kitchen to make that bowl of popcorn the elderly gentleman is eating.
Also, that burgundy color makes them all look like members of the Vatican. Seriously, all they need is a funny hat and they’ve got the perfect Pope costume.
Overall reaction upon completed viewing:
Wow, this is mind-bogglingly weird. Bear with me, I am German, so viewing an American “shopping channel ad” is an experience in itself. From the tone of voice the commentator lady uses to the crappy music in the background, it’s enough to give me a culture shock right there.
Not that German shopping channel ads don’t have bad music or annoying announcers, it all just feels way more cheery and obnoxious in the American version.
2nd viewing
Thoughts during the viewing:
“One size fits all” my ass! The shot of the ten-year-old girl in the bleachers at some sporting event clarifies that children are definitely too small for the typically American “super large” Snuggie. Put a Snuggie on your child and send it to get the crackers from the kitchen, then wait for it to break its neck tripping in the hallway. There was never an easier way to get back those carefree, childless days of your marriage.
And what’s with that book light they wanna give me on top of the mis-designed blanket/bathrobe? If you are on the couch reading while wearing your Snuggie, which is probably the only scenario on earth it seems somewhat practical to wear it, then chances are you have a table lamp nearby and don’t need an extra book light. Plus, the Snuggie doesn’t have pockets, so there is no way to keep the book light handy to always ensure the “reading on the couch” scenario goes off without a hitch. Instead you would have to get up from the couch, your ass hanging out (because the Snuggie is backless and who wears actual clothes while relaxing on the couch?), knock over your tea cup on the table with the oversized Snuggie sleeves, get the book light from where you left it (probably in the car from the camping trip you took last weekend with the family to try out how warm the Snuggie can keep you sitting around a campfire, which was a stupid idea, since Snuggie is made from fleece so grandpa’s caught fire off the first stray spark from the fire, ending you all in the ICU instead of North Carolina’s beautiful wilderness and ruining everybody’s Saturday night), then walk all the way back to the couch, tripping over your dog that got caught in the extra bit of Snuggie fabric you are dragging behind you thanks to the “super large design” and when you actually arrive back at the couch, you’ll realize the book light’s batteries are empty and you can’t read your book with it anyway.
Overall reaction upon completed viewing:
I still can’t believe someone actually thought this was a good idea. The Snuggie is backless like a hospital gown, so their “you can stay warm” theory has a serious hole in it. If I get up to make popcorn in the kitchen, my back will totally be cold. Plus, it requires you to wear something underneath the Snuggie at all times, because you wouldn’t want your ass hanging out when answering the door to pay the pizza delivery guy.
I wonder how many people actually bought this crap.
3rd viewing
Thoughts during the viewing:
That couple both putting on their Snuggies in unison lets my mind wander to dark places. Since they both look like members of the Vatican without the silly hat, two Snuggies is all they need for some dirty bedroom role-playing. Forbidden lust is always fun. I don’t think the makers of Snuggie thought they would be providing the world with a new “sex toy”.
Overall reaction upon completed viewing:
After the video finishes, YouTube is so kind to recommend me more videos related to this one and one of them is entitled “The Cult of Snuggie”. Yes, now that you mention it, the Snuggiers (which is what I call Snuggie-wearers now) gathered around a campfire sure look like a burgundy version of the Ku Klux clan. Hey, there is all that extra fabric hanging around in the back, you could fashion a hood out of it (that knitting grandma earlier in the spot probably knows how to) and then start your own sect, cult or secret society. Of course, there would be rivaling sects, because the Snuggie comes in three colors: royal blue, sage green and burgundy. It’s gonna be an epic battle, better than Vampires vs. Lycans, Alien vs. Predator and Freddy vs. Jason combined!
4th viewing
Thoughts during the viewing:
This may just be me and my German-ness and English not being my first language, but the word “Snuggie” remind me of the word “nookie”, which is right down the sex toy alley I walked before. Besides, Marge and Homer Simpson’s code for sex is “snuggling” anyway, the word that obviously inspired the marketing designers to name the useless product they were presented with.
Overall reaction upon completed viewing:
Do I have to watch this again???
5th viewing
Thoughts during the viewing:
They want me to save on my heating bill by buying a Snuggie? I’d rather just put on some more clothes and stick to my old wool blanket, because at least I can leave that behind on the couch to answer the door or the telephone much easier than I can get out of the super large straightjacket with the weird name.
I never knew two minutes could be this long. These smiling people and that overly cheery commentator woman are driving me nuts. My eyes and ears are about to bleed from them pretending to be selling the reinvention of the wheel.
Overall reaction upon completed viewing:
I bet this is the kind of commercial they just show in a row late at night on the shopping channel, or at least in every single commercial break of the re-run of your favorite show in the middle of the night. In any case it is enough to drive you batshit nuts after too many viewings.
6th viewing
Thoughts during the viewing:
Njaaaaagh, I’m in pain. How big is that Snuggie family anyway? Mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, one girl, one boy… The dad has a job that requires a laptop, grandma likes to read, grandpa likes popcorn, the girl likes crayons and the boy…plays sports of some kind and his family comes in Snuggies to cheer him on. A whole new level of embarrassment. And you thought your mom kissing you after the game was bad.
Overall reaction upon completed viewing:
Even if I watch this ten times, it’ll still be less of my time wasted than the person who got my pick has to spend. But I don’t think it can be as painful as what I have to go through.
7th viewing
Thoughts during the viewing:
I completely believe this could be a cover operation from Scientology to raise money for their “cause”. They are crazy enough to come up with a concept as silly and yet somewhat intriguing as Snuggie. But then again, Scientology would charge more for this “revelatory invention” than $ 14.95. And they certainly wouldn’t give you the “enlightenment” of the book light for free. They are not into freebies.
Overall reaction upon completed viewing:
I run away from my laptop screen to the bathroom. Thankfully, no Snuggie is tripping me up, so I make it in time. And while I am in the bathroom, I might as well throw up a little upon the notion that I have to go back and watch this again…
8th viewing
Thoughts during the viewing:
Okay, the family also has a baby and a terrier dog of some kind, plus a daughter away at college. She believes in peace (according to her poster) and lives in a dorm that is drafty, so her overbearing parents got her a Snuggie last Christmas. Needless to say she was overwhelmed by their consideration and didn’t wonder at all why the bedspread had two extra tubes of fabric attached. Plus, the burgundy set off her eyes so well, her study group got jealous and ordered their own Snuggies right away.
Did I mention I don’t trust women with fake nails that have a ridiculously bad French manicure?
I also notice the Snuggie is shipped from Connecticut, the state that is like Massachusetts, except the Kennedys don’t own it yet. Bet they wish they did now, so they could rake in the “ultra high” Snuggie profit.
Overall reaction upon completed viewing:
If I ever use the quantifier “ultra” again, it will be strictly for scientific purposes. Nothing is more annoying than trying to make something ordinary/crappy sound better by using ancient language prefixes like “mega” (Greek), “ultra”, “super” ( both Latin) or “uber” (German, but missing two dots above the u).
9th viewing
Thoughts during the viewing:
“No more cold feet” thanks to the Snuggie. So make sure you bring one along every time someone gets married, then the “he/she left me at the altar” debacle can be avoided with ease. Simply put them in a Snuggie, hand them the book light and let the magic happen.
I think there is more than one blonde woman in the Snuggie family, but they all look so alike, I can’t tell them apart. One has a baby, one has the dog and the other one is always worried about the heating bill. Maybe they are sisters. Or clones.
Overall reaction upon completed viewing:
One more time, I can do it. Ten viewings should be enough. You can do it – I don’t want to do it – you can do it – I will do it later – you will do it now – I am scared – you’re a wimp – I could lie and pretend I watched it ten times – YOU WILL NOT CHEAT YOUR CC2K FAMILY!
10th viewing
Thoughts during the viewing:
Okay, I’ll pay attention to weird little details I missed before. Block out the voice, just watch for funny things….
Wow, they have one of the ugliest cookie jars I have ever seen in that fake kitchen.
That yellow wall color is probably supposed to suggest warmth and comfort to me. Strangely, I have no emotional reaction to the color yellow at all. I never have. I am indifferent to yellow.
There are even more kids than I originally thought in the family and they all like roasting marshmallows over an open fire, wearing their Snuggies. Didn’t you learn anything from grandpa’s camping accident? Keep Snuggies away from fire!
Overall reaction upon completed viewing:
“Ready for your treatment?” – “Yes, I am.”
“This is gonna pinch a bit.”
…
“How are you feeling?” – “Did I fall asleep?”
“For a little while.” – “Shall I go now?”
“If you like.”
…