Confessional 8: Star Wars (all of ’em)

Written by: Phoebe Raven, CC2K Staff Writer

Star Wars 1-6 I confess and will accept my penance. I have never seen Star Wars. Not one of the six movies (there are six, right?) have I watched from beginning to end. The only one I have started was the first one. How do I make it clear which one I mean? I guess I say Episode 4. A few years back I started watching it when it came on TV, because I thought I should. References are made to those movies, I had seen it on my friend’s excessive DVD shelf, I felt it was my duty. But 60 minutes into the movie, if it was that much, I got so bored. Yes, I was bored, brain-numbingly bored. So bored I didn’t just fall asleep, no. I consciously made the decision to grab my remote and change the channel to something else. That’s how bored I was. The damn robots weren’t funny, like everyone said, and it also didn’t impress me that the one (R2-D2 or was it the other one?) only communicates via beeps and yet you understand what it wants to say, as my friend pointed out to me. She was highly amazed by that. I was bored. And how much more cliché could the family of X have been, living in that cave (?) and the father being all mean? I don’t even remember if X was Han Solo or Luke Skywalker or who. I can’t tell any of the characters apart, except for maybe Yoda. Everything else is just names to me. I was told that the second movie, Episode 5, would be better than the first and that I should try to watch that. But here are my reasons why I don’t even want to: 1. By now there are six movies to get through. And I have better things to do with my time than to watch six movies, which are science fiction of all genres, because 2. I hate science fiction. I don’t like to read it, I don’t like to watch it. I am not fascinated by strange planets and star ships, aliens and new technologies. The only reason I watched Star Trek: The Next Generation was because it was really more about the people than the sci-fi. The only reason I watched Firefly was the witty, funny dialog and the great characters. Also the Western feel. But as soon as something gets too tricked out with lightsabers (how ridiculous are those, BTW?) and intergallactical wars, it ain’t for me. 3. I don’t really like pathos. 4. Princess Leia’s hair drives me up the wall!!! I know it’s the 70s, but pleeeeehease! Oh, that hair! 5. How stupid is it to have better special effects in Episode 1-3, when they are supposed to be prequels? And clones? 6. I already know that Darth Vader is Luke’s father, so the surprise is ruined. 7. I never really liked Harrison Ford either. I know these are highly influential movies for some of you. Movies you rave about and talk to your buddies about for hours. But maybe that is because you have seen them while you were growing up and they impressed you. If you had seen them only as adults, would they still have impressed you as much? Keep in mind that I am a girl. I don’t care about kick-ass stunts or kick-ass fights with lightsabers or kick-ass special effects or kick-ass space ship chases. Unless all of these are motivated by the story and move the plot along. I even found the fight sequences in Matrix boring, because they dragged on too long and didn’t further the storyline. Why do I have to watch these movies? Am I not better off with my happy ignorance? And try to be objective. Don’t tell me I have to just because you like the movies. Give me good, down-to-earth, solid reasons to watch these movies. Or let me live in peace. {mos_sb_discuss:4}